Attachment-Based Therapy Denver, CO
Attachment theory is the largest body of research on healthy relationships. This theory categorizes relationship behavior and provides insight into why we are the way we are in relationships. It helps identify where your relationship behaviors came from, help you predict how you may act in different interpersonal situations, and provides guidance on how to heal and change your relationship patterns.
Our therapists at Lone Wolf are well trained in attachment theory and utilize it as the foundation of our therapy approach. We join you in the exploration of how your past relationships have shaped your attachment style. Attachment wounds are created when we experience pain or neglect from the people we care most about.
Attachment-based therapy will help you discover and heal old attachment wounds, so that they no longer impact current and future relationships. If you feel like you are stuck in your relationship patterns and want to learn why and stop the cycle, attachment-based therapy is strongly recommended!
Attachment theory has divided the different types of attachment into four categories. Early research thought that we developed our attachment style in the first few years of life, but later research discovered that important relationships throughout our life can shape our attachment styles. The four types are: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful.
Secure Attachment Style
A secure attachment style categorizes healthy relationship behaviors. People who have experienced healthy relationships in the past and have learned that they are lovable and others are trustworthy. People with this attachment style are able to easily identify their emotions and needs and find it easy to communicate them to others. They typically have very satisfying relationships and low levels of depression and anxiety.
Healthy Relationship Building
This is the attachment style that represents the healthy way of building relationships. Most people fall into this category. Attachment styles, similar to other personality styles, are not black and white. If you have a secure attachment style that doesn't mean that you always react in a secure way. There are plenty of individual differences and unique situations that can trigger different types of attachment behaviors.
Having a secure attachment means that in most situations you have healthy relationship coping. If you are wanting to react in more secure ways, attachment-based therapy is a great way to heal past attachment wounds and create healthy relationship skills.
Anxious Attachment Style
An anxious attachment style categorizes the relationship behavior of a person who questions their own self-worth and views others as "having it all together." People who have experienced inconsistency in relationships learn to worry about others leaving and worry about their worthiness to keep others' love and attention. This may look like a parent or romantic partner is loving one moment and absent/cold the next.
Feeling Insecure in Relationships
Someone with this attachment style may feel insecure in relationships and may seek attention and love in unhealthy ways. They may stay in unhealthy relationships for too long, may push people away to test if they truly love them, or be on hyper alert towards signs of rejection or emotional/physical abandonment. People with this attachment style often are people pleasers and lose themselves in relationships in an attempt to try and avoid rejection. They may externally process, be more outwardly emotional, and report higher rates of relationship anxiety.
Someone who has this attachment style deeply values relationships and is willing to seek help and support to enhance their interpersonal skills. In couples, the anxiously attached partner is often the initiator of the couple's therapy. If you feel like your relationship anxiety is inhibiting connection or you worry about how codependent behaviors negatively impact you attachment-based therapy can help decipher your triggers and help you react more securely.
Avoidant Attachment Style
An avoidant attachment style categorizes the relationship behavior of a person who feels the weight of the world and has learned that others are unreliable. People who have experienced absent parents (parents who had to work often, parents dealing with their own mental health issues, or emotionally/physically neglectful) or romantic partners that were unreliable.
Lone Wolf Mentality
Our culture deeply values an independent person, the "lone wolf" who can take care of themselves. So, it might not be immediately obvious to someone with an avoidant attachment style that their relationship behaviors are inhibiting connection and closeness. Often someone with this attachment style will be able to make surface connections but struggle to be vulnerable and create deeply satisfying relationships. If you have this attachment style past partners may have said you are "hard to get to know" or they didn't know if you were interested in them.
People with this attachment style feel uncomfortable when others get too close and may worry that they will have to compromise too much in a relationship. When someone with this attachment style feels lonely or upset they often retreat into themselves, work, or other hobbies to self-soothe. If this sounds familiar and you want to learn how to better connect and be vulnerable attachment-based therapy will greatly help this growth area.
Fearful Attachment Style
A fearful attachment style categorizes the relationship behavior of a person who both strongly desires and fears connection. Often someone who has this attachment style has experienced both love and abuse in the same relationship. When this happens, it can cause confusion about what is healthy and unhealthy. Often people with this attachment style discuss the difficulty of trusting their "gut" in relationships.
Anxious and Avoidant
If you connected with the description of both an anxious attachment style and an avoidant attachment style, you likely fall into the fearful attachment style category. Due to the fearful attachment having both avoidant and anxious tendencies, someone with this attachment style will exhibit "push-pull" behaviors. This can include desiring deep closeness and then pushing their partner away. While research suggests that this is the rarest type of attachment style, clinically, we see that most people have both avoidant and anxious behaviors depending on the situation.
When a person with a fearful attachment style is in a relationship with an anxiously attached person they may display more avoidant attachment behaviors... When they are in a relationship with someone who is more avoidantly attached they may display more anxious attachment behaviors. As stated above there are more intricacies than you have this attachment style or that attachment style, so it is important to find a therapist who can help you better understand your unique interpersonal style.
Attachment-Based Therapy in Denver, Colorado
We are here to help you on your journey to finding a deeper meaning in your relationships! If you find yourself consistently forming unhealthy relationships, our skilled therapists at Lone Wolf Psychology can help you understand the behaviors behind those unhealthy choices. Follow the steps below to get started.
We encourage you to get to know a little bit about our therapists, their specializations, and their credentials. Get to know our therapists here.
If you think Couples Counseling is for you, reach out to us! You can use our convenient online therapy scheduling form found on our home page.
Begin the exciting journey of understanding your relationships to forge a lasting, healthy, and fulfilling relationship!
We hope to hear from you soon.
Other Counseling Services in Denver, CO
Not only does our therapy practice in Denver offer Attachment-Based Therapy, but we also offer a wide variety of services for every relationship stage. Each relationship is unique in its personal journey and we are here to provide, insightful and productive Relationship Counseling, Divorce and Break-up Recovery Counseling, Couples Counseling, LGBTQ+ Counseling, Kink and Poly Friendly Therapy, Trauma Therapy, and Premarital Counseling as well. We also offer Self-Help Resources to help supplement your therapy or to better prepare for upcoming therapy sessions!