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Choosing Wisdom Over Winning: Relationship Advice from a Couples Therapist

Healthy Communication

In the wise words of relationship expert Esther Perel, "You may be right, but are you wise?" This poignant question challenges us to reconsider our priorities during conflicts with our partners. Too often in relationships, the thrill of "winning" an argument can overshadow the deeper, more meaningful goals like understanding, connection, and mutual respect.

The Gratification of Being "Right"

There's a certain satisfaction that comes from winning an argument. Who doesn't want to feel validated that their perspective is the correct one? However, this short-lived victory is often pyrrhic, as it can leave our partner feeling misunderstood and undervalued—hardly the ingredients for a healthy relationship.

What Do We Really Want?

Esther Perel invites us to ask ourselves, "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" It's a simple question that carries profound implications. When faced with a disagreement, our focus should not merely be on proving our point but on fostering an environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Healthy Relationship

Communicating Wisely

Communication is not just about exchanging information; it's about connecting with another person. Here are a few tips to help shift your mindset during disagreements:

  • Listen Actively: Instead of formulating your next argument, truly listen to what your partner is saying. They’re not just obstacles to your victory; they’re human beings with valid emotions and perspectives.

  • Emphasize Empathy: Try to see the situation from your partner's point of view. Understanding their feelings and reactions can pave the way for more empathetic interactions.

  • Choose Your Battles: Not every disagreement needs to be a battleground. Sometimes, letting go of the small stuff can lead to bigger gains in relationship happiness and stability.

  • Seek Solutions, Not Victory: Approach conflicts with a problem-solving attitude. What can both of you agree on? What compromises can be made for the benefit of the relationship?

In every relationship, conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. By choosing wisdom over the need to be right, we open pathways to greater intimacy and partnership strength. If someone "won" the argument, you both lost. The next time you find yourself in a heated debate, remember there are paths that lead to happiness and understanding, not just to victory.

Couples Therapy in Denver, Colorado

Even with the best of intentions, we can struggle to communicate well with our parter. This does not mean that you have a bad relationship or that the relationship should end. All couples should seek relatioship advice from a professional at some point in their relationship to make sure their relationship is well taken care of! If you find yourself consistently struggling with healthy communication , our skilled therapists at Lone Wolf Psychology can help you understand the behaviors behind those unhealthy choices. Follow the steps below to get started.


1. We encourage you to get to know a little bit about our therapists, their specializations, and their credentials.Get to know our therapists here.

2. If you think Couples Counseling is for you, reach out to us! You can use our convenient online therapy scheduling form found on our home page.

3. Begin the exciting journey of understanding your relationships to forge a lasting, healthy, and fulfilling relationship!

We hope to hear from you soon.

Other Counseling Services in Denver, CO

Not only does our therapy practice in Denver offer Attachment-Based Therapy, but we also offer a wide variety of services for every relationship stage. Each relationship is unique in its personal journey and we are here to provide, insightful and productive Relationship Counseling, Divorce and Break-up Recovery Counseling, Couples Counseling, LGBTQ+ Counseling, Kink and Poly Friendly Therapy, Trauma Therapy, and Premarital Counseling as well. We also offer Self-Help Resources to help supplement your therapy or to better prepare for upcoming therapy sessions!

Schedule a free consultation with a trained relationship therapist to see if therapy is right for you.

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