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I Found out I'm Dating Someone with an Avoidant Attachment Style, What Do I Do Now?

5 Tips from Denver Relationship Experts

If you are aware of attachment styles you may have noticed the person you are dating has some avoidant attachment tendencies. Don’t worry, many people have avoidant or anxious attachment styles, and they are more likely to be single, so you will often run into them in the dating pool. Navigating the world of romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with different attachment styles. However, armed with understanding and self-awareness, it's entirely possible to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. Below you will hear tips from our expert relationship therapists to help you navigate the journey of dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Tip 1: Learn More About Attachment Styles

If you notice some confusing or frustrating dating behaviors from the person you are dating before diving into the relationship or call it quits, take some time to educate yourself about attachment styles, particularly the avoidant attachment style. Understanding the underlying psychology and behaviors associated with this style will provide you with insights into your partner's emotional needs and how they may respond in various situations. Knowledge can help you build empathy and connection with someone with avoidant attachment behaviors. (pro tip, our therapists are experts in attachment styles and can help your learn more about both you and your dating partner’s attachment.)

Four Attachment Styles

Here are some common signs you are dating someone with an avoidant attachment:

· Feeling like you are receiving mixed signals.

· You feel connected and like a priority while on the date, but they don’t keep in contact or are distant when they are not directly with you.

· They appear to have everything together in their life, and you question why they are single.

· They are really vulnerable on the first few dates and then slowly get more and more distant.

· They share a lot about themselves, but you still feel like you don’t really know them.

Tip 2: Open and Direct Communication

Effective communication is key to any successful relationship, and it's even more important when dating someone with an avoidant attachment style. Encourage your partner to express their feelings, thoughts, and concerns openly. Make an effort to create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotions without fear of judgment. Be patient and actively listen to what they have to say, showing empathy and understanding. Directly communicate your needs and resist the urge to play games!

Tip 3: Respect their Boundaries

relationship boundaries

Individuals with avoidant attachment styles often value their personal space and independence. Respecting their need for alone time is crucial to building trust and a sense of security in the relationship. This includes emotional boundaries as well, so avoid pushing them to disclose too much too soon. Allow the relationship to progress at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you. It may be difficult to find a balance between meeting your need for closeness and respecting their need for distance. Know that this is normal and is the reason why open direct communication is so vital!

Tip 4: Be Patient with Intimacy

Intimacy can be a challenging area for individuals with avoidant attachment styles. Emotional intimacy may take longer to develop, and physical intimacy might require extra care and patience. Avoid rushing or pushing your partner into situations that make them uncomfortable. Instead, engage in open conversations about physical and emotional boundaries, allowing them to gradually feel more at ease as the relationship deepens. People who have an avoidant attachment style may perceive levels of emotional intimacy differently than someone with a secure or anxious attachment. Something that may feel surface level for you may feel extremely vulnerable for them.

Tip 5: Be Aware of Your Own Needs and Practice Self-Care

Dating someone with an avoidant attachment style can sometimes trigger feelings of frustration or insecurity. If you have a secure attachment style and don’t typically feel insecure, you may experience these feelings for the first time! If you have an anxious attachment style, trigger points for your fear of abandonment may feel constantly pushed! It's essential to stay grounded in your own experience and needs and not get lost in caretaking for your avoidant attachment partner’s needs. Maintain a strong support system of friends, family, or professionals who can offer guidance and understanding. This dating partner may not be able to meet all your social emotional needs, but that’s okay, and why it’s important to stay connected to social support around you. By taking care of yourself, you'll be better equipped to navigate the challenges that may arise in the relationship.

You are Worthy of Love

Dating someone with an avoidant attachment style requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to understand and adapt. It doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed, it just means that they have learned a pattern of interpersonal behavior to protect themselves and may need extra time to feel safe and vulnerable with you. Remember that love and connection can flourish when both partners work together to create a secure and nurturing environment, regardless of attachment style.

Attachment-Based Therapy in Denver, Colorado

Even with the best of intentions, we can struggle to understand our own and our partner’s relationship triggers. This does not mean that you have a bad relationship or that the relationship should end. All couples should seek professional support at some point in their relationship to make sure their relationship is well taken care of! If you find yourself consistently forming unhealthy relationships, our skilled therapists at Lone Wolf Psychology can help you understand the behaviors behind those unhealthy choices. Follow the steps below to get started.


1. We encourage you to get to know a little bit about our therapists, their specializations, and their credentials.Get to know our therapists here.

2. If you think Couples Counseling is for you, reach out to us! You can use our convenient online therapy scheduling form found on our home page.

3. Begin the exciting journey of understanding your relationships to forge a lasting, healthy, and fulfilling relationship!

We hope to hear from you soon.

Other Counseling Services in Denver, CO

Not only does our therapy practice in Denver offer Attachment-Based Therapy, but we also offer a wide variety of services for every relationship stage. Each relationship is unique in its personal journey and we are here to provide, insightful and productive Relationship Counseling, Divorce and Break-up Recovery Counseling, Couples Counseling, LGBTQ+ Counseling, Kink and Poly Friendly Therapy, Trauma Therapy, and Premarital Counseling as well. We also offer Self-Help Resources to help supplement your therapy or to better prepare for upcoming therapy sessions!

Schedule a free consultation with a trained relationship therapist to see if therapy is right for you.

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